Say hello to an enigma of a failure...
Introductions... I don't mind them. It's a chance to take a clean slate and write whatever I want on it. This is the beginning; swallow it like a thread, neverending and unrelenting.
I'm twenty-two. I live in a small town that has been turned into a heaving mass of fuck-upery because of the rapid population growth. I am more than avid about everything I find interesting, and barely paying attention when it's the opposite. I don't take anything beyond my mind very seriously. I've never liked how people as a majority act in this country. The mistake isn't political or philisphical, but behavioral. People delude themselves to no end sometimes.
And I'm sure I do too. I come from a family that lies like it's instinct. But, by being around it so long, I've come to appreciate the visceral, validating feeling of the truth. It doesn't matter how many fantasies someone has, if you don't experience what makes you happy... you're fucked.
That's usually my problem. I look into people and see the polarities, not the gradient. I've been in love too many times to care about it as much, but I still believe in the purity that can be found in true love.
I do too many drugs. I am a huge pothead; I'm high more often than I should be. But it wasn't always like that. I never cared for drugs until there was a reason to do them. They've changed me in a lot of ways... mostly bad ways. But it's who I am, I've accepted it. I want to stop, though, because I have a reason to.
I've been in a lot of strange relationships, mainly because of the lack of connection. This usually evolved into it only being sexual, or just being awkward. I do and say a lot of stupid things, and embarrass myself often. But, I'm pretty good in bed (I am Polish).
I say things that are completely different than what I believe, and I say things that don't make any sense. My mouth is never a guaranteed connection to my brain. This is the puzzle, scattered and unseemly. I'm always staring off, fixated on something intangible. And just beyond that feeling lies a story....
I'm twenty-two. I live in a small town that has been turned into a heaving mass of fuck-upery because of the rapid population growth. I am more than avid about everything I find interesting, and barely paying attention when it's the opposite. I don't take anything beyond my mind very seriously. I've never liked how people as a majority act in this country. The mistake isn't political or philisphical, but behavioral. People delude themselves to no end sometimes.
And I'm sure I do too. I come from a family that lies like it's instinct. But, by being around it so long, I've come to appreciate the visceral, validating feeling of the truth. It doesn't matter how many fantasies someone has, if you don't experience what makes you happy... you're fucked.
That's usually my problem. I look into people and see the polarities, not the gradient. I've been in love too many times to care about it as much, but I still believe in the purity that can be found in true love.
I do too many drugs. I am a huge pothead; I'm high more often than I should be. But it wasn't always like that. I never cared for drugs until there was a reason to do them. They've changed me in a lot of ways... mostly bad ways. But it's who I am, I've accepted it. I want to stop, though, because I have a reason to.
I've been in a lot of strange relationships, mainly because of the lack of connection. This usually evolved into it only being sexual, or just being awkward. I do and say a lot of stupid things, and embarrass myself often. But, I'm pretty good in bed (I am Polish).
I say things that are completely different than what I believe, and I say things that don't make any sense. My mouth is never a guaranteed connection to my brain. This is the puzzle, scattered and unseemly. I'm always staring off, fixated on something intangible. And just beyond that feeling lies a story....
posted by Anonymous at 9:03 PM
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