A corpse is a corpse...

On these warm nights, I feel relaxed. Something about the weather coerces me to reflect on the past... And I can't help but telling myself, "What have I done to deserve what I've ended up with?"

I got stupid. I reached a point in my life that was surrounded by apathy. I went overboard so many times. I threw away everything about myself, all the things I had built principles from. In this haze, I don't feel like myself anymore.

I just want something to turn out right... Just one thing. Something that tells me I'm not always going to be this lonely. Some sign that I'm not already as good as dead. I'm completely worthless as a person; I'm just... me. Sometimes, I think that I could die tomorrow, and it wouldn't make a difference... So hopelessly lost.

I can't really connect with anyone anymore. Everything I say is distorted. I remember what it's like to have someone there, someone who listens to me speak straight from my heart. Someone to lie with me in bed all day. I miss that so very much. I miss having someone that I can look at every day and smile.

And I don't think I'm ever going to get it again. Something that doesn't hurt me in some way. I miss being able to share my emotions, my being with someone. And all I can do is feel sorry for myself.

I would give anything to rewind and try again. But I wouldn't deserve that. All I have left is mulling over the past.