What the hell is going on?
I only slept for 4 or 5 hours because I had a dream, and it suddenly woke me. It isn't often that I have a dream I remember so clearly, and it isn't often that it jolts me awake with meaning. So here goes.
In my dream, I was walking through the woods with Mark and Jonathan. We were doing what we always do: looking for a purpose. We found a tunnel that led underwater, so we tried to swim to the other side. We couldn't make it, but I kept going when they turned back. I guess I drowned, or something, but when I came to, I was a fish. A tiny little fish. And I met Linnea as a fish, because she was one too. It was nice... happy, for some reason. We lived underwater, and those little pecks you see fish in a fish tank do to get particles of food became somehow romantic. As if they were soulful kisses. After living down there for I don't know how long, we decided to return to the surface. When we did, we both became Human again.
When I turned back into myself, I thought that everything was uneasy and unsettling. Like everything I did gave me motion sickness. I was in a car with Julie and Mark, and both were making fun of me for getting sick riding down the 234 Bypass ramp. When I would look down out of the window, all I could see was a precipitous drop, filled with millions of other cars far below. It made me desperately want to go back underwater, to being a fish.
I met Linnea as Human and we went on a date. I don't remember much of what we did, but it involved driving around and me always feeling like I didn't know what to do next. It made me feel as if I was only supposed to know her as a fish. Then, it started to rain. It rained for hours, and quickly became a huge, apocalypse-style flood. Everything started to be pulled underwater. We tried to get back to my house on foot, leaving the car to be safe. The closer we got back to my house, the more distant she became and the more I felt like I was annoying her. Along the way, on the top of a dam, she took my hand and gave me the ability to run back the rest of the way, walking on water like a miracle. And once we got to my house... she left. She wouldn't look at me, and I didn't know what to say, so she left. I went back to the dam, stared off of it for awhile, and jumped off into the water. I drowned. And that's when I woke up.
A lot of it sounds gay... but it was one of those dreams that hits you with something you never expected. My first conscious thought was one of utter sorrow, of longing and desperation. All I could think about was how I didn't want to lose her, and how she's the only person who would really understand me. And I fucked it all up, like I fuck up everything else. All I can do is fuck things up. It felt way too real, jumping into that inundating flood, throwing everything away....
In my dream, I was walking through the woods with Mark and Jonathan. We were doing what we always do: looking for a purpose. We found a tunnel that led underwater, so we tried to swim to the other side. We couldn't make it, but I kept going when they turned back. I guess I drowned, or something, but when I came to, I was a fish. A tiny little fish. And I met Linnea as a fish, because she was one too. It was nice... happy, for some reason. We lived underwater, and those little pecks you see fish in a fish tank do to get particles of food became somehow romantic. As if they were soulful kisses. After living down there for I don't know how long, we decided to return to the surface. When we did, we both became Human again.
When I turned back into myself, I thought that everything was uneasy and unsettling. Like everything I did gave me motion sickness. I was in a car with Julie and Mark, and both were making fun of me for getting sick riding down the 234 Bypass ramp. When I would look down out of the window, all I could see was a precipitous drop, filled with millions of other cars far below. It made me desperately want to go back underwater, to being a fish.
I met Linnea as Human and we went on a date. I don't remember much of what we did, but it involved driving around and me always feeling like I didn't know what to do next. It made me feel as if I was only supposed to know her as a fish. Then, it started to rain. It rained for hours, and quickly became a huge, apocalypse-style flood. Everything started to be pulled underwater. We tried to get back to my house on foot, leaving the car to be safe. The closer we got back to my house, the more distant she became and the more I felt like I was annoying her. Along the way, on the top of a dam, she took my hand and gave me the ability to run back the rest of the way, walking on water like a miracle. And once we got to my house... she left. She wouldn't look at me, and I didn't know what to say, so she left. I went back to the dam, stared off of it for awhile, and jumped off into the water. I drowned. And that's when I woke up.
A lot of it sounds gay... but it was one of those dreams that hits you with something you never expected. My first conscious thought was one of utter sorrow, of longing and desperation. All I could think about was how I didn't want to lose her, and how she's the only person who would really understand me. And I fucked it all up, like I fuck up everything else. All I can do is fuck things up. It felt way too real, jumping into that inundating flood, throwing everything away....
posted by Anonymous at 6:57 AM
1 Comments:
I hate you.
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