Climb out of your empty box alone...

It takes a lot to disassemble the structure of right and wrong. To see life as a chain of events rather than a battle between good and evil is hard to do. More than anything else, people are animals. We are built by behavior, wired to circumvent the things we keep inside; the deep dark secrets.

Everyone has them. I used to be able to look past them for a chance to change my outcome. Now, it seems like it's all the same. I'm floating motionless in the water, letting the waves move my body for me. Everything that comes, good or bad... I don't really care anymore. It's nothing more than a distraction.

I feel bitter towards people who don't know what it's like to lose. Those blindfolded drones who have everything handed to them, are they having an easier time than me?

I've learned that you can never reveal the truth of your emotions unless you want to be trivialized. I've learned that I can never escape the inside of my mind, and it will always seek a way to distance myself as far from other people as possible.

Some days I'm amazed at how life works out. Every day seems to mock me in some small way. But, I've grown used to being the spectre in the corner who hides behind a cloak of false enthusiasm.

There is an appeal to that kind of role for some people... the silent loner. A lot of people act it because they don't know what it's like to feel separated from reality. No matter what I do, I'm stuck in that position. All the fucking idiots who imitate passionate emotions with an exaggerated presentation... I hope they learn what it's like to live inside of darkness. I hope they are built up and wrecked in such a profane way that it sends their minds reeling. I wish that more people understood these things, understood what it means to appreciate life. I know it sounds like I don't, but I do... I just don't have many more chances.