The way things have fallen...

I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks. Every day I wake up, I feel just as drained. My hand is scarred because I have no other way of releasing some feelings. And even then, it never helps. I feel sore all the time, and it doesn't help that I get fucked up every night, and smoke too much.

I speak too fast because I don't think anyone listens to me, or believes me. My teeth are beyond repair. I've had bags under my eyes for so long that I don't remember what it's like to look healthy.

I don't eat well; it's sporadic and usually unhealthy. I have the constant feeling of my stomach being cramped by an unnamed anxiety.

When I'm in a situation that I could use to reinforce myself, I blow it. When I'm supposed to be saying something constructive, I'm saying something awkward. All of the things I think, I can't get out, ever. There's never a chance to.

I haven't really been that close with anyone in a long time, and it's causing me to think more and more within the walls. I pace back and forth over the same things until my legs remind me of how tired I am. So I lay down, and I think about those same things... and I can never fall asleep. When I do, it's intermittent and I wake up the next morning feeling a little more exhausted and detached.

I don't have anything to look forward to during my day-to-day, other than an awkward conversation with someone I have very complicated feelings for, someone I may never get to see.

The people whom I could speak my heart to and be honest with... they're all gone, and I doubt they've ever thought of me. I can't imagine that they would, because there isn't much of a reason to.